This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
