I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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