It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
