I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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