new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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