I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
