i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
