I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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