My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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