Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
