K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
