I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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