wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
