he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
