Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
