New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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