12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
