if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
