haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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