i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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