Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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