When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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