he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Damn victory sex feels great
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
