6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
