singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
