in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
