hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
