I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I currently don't understand fingers.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
