Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
