She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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