nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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