ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
