I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
