Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
