I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
