You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just cropdusted the office
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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