what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
