Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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