I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
