I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
