Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am naked and annoyed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
