I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
