I can tuck mytits in my pants
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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