i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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