who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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