And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my liver is dry heaving
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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