oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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