wanna go halves on a baby?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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