Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
