He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
