I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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