i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
