dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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