Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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