WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
