He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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