everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
