picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
