Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
