I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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