This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
