Soap is not a condiment
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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