I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
