I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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