Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She bit a glass in half.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize