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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
