why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is wine microwaveable?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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