She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif