i would punch a child for taco bell
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.