Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness