Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.