Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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