we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.