This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
