My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
