it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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