wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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