I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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