I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
