She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
