I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
