Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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