I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Barsexuality is the new black.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
